Darling, I hate you
by AchtungBabyAchtung
Summary: So Lily finds it difficult to do ordinary things without horrible, disasterous results. Is this any reason to mock her mercilessly?....um....yes......irratically plotted, irratically updated, reviewers adored.
1. Lily Loves Bagpuss

_**Okay. Chapter one is kindof just a taster. My beta has been ignoring me sniff.**_

_**Anyway. Here you go.**__**  
**_

_** Lily Loves Bagpuss**_

_** or **_

_** Flavia's bit of... **_

_** by GaroisJ'aimeDesPickles**_

_** (moi)  
**_

_**

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**_

_**In my room.**_

_**Not thinking about Potter.**_

Ok. I'm Not-thinking-about-Potter today. Just sitting here not thinking about Potter. Maybe I'll do some Charms homework.

Ha.

That'll teach him.

_**In my room**_

I gave up on the charms when I realised I wrote

'_The wand movement is especially important when the creepies have got Potter. This is because it differs slightly from its type in the Potteryness of its sexy eyes.'_

Well, you get the picture. So I've come to talk to you about why I'm not thinking about Potter, damn his name is annoying just to WRITE. Let's call him 'Bagpuss'. I always thought he was kind of eeeevil.

Anyhoo. So. I was talking to my friends, who are evil, backstabbing, psycho, biker, junkie hos. Just FYI. We were talking about Flavia, who's new 'bit-of- (I'm blanking out her icky icky words there) is Sirius Black, famed womanizer and cad.

She can't help it poor girl. She can't wait to dump him.

And/or shag him.

Then we get on to other people's boyfriends. And Flavia (THAT BITCH) says she thinks I like

Bagpuss. BAGPUSS! Does that mean nothing to you, you stupid diary?

Oh right. I guess not.

And of course he was standing behind us. So he swoops up and after exchanging, alright, yelling some choice expletives I stormed off. And he's been calling me Mrs. Bagpuss all day.

_**In My Room**_

_**Thinking about Potter….I mean….Crap.**_

That's actually quite creepy.

He clearly has deep mother issues.

WHY DID I NOT THINK OF THAT AT THE TIME?

OK. I will distract myself with self improvement. TO THE MIRRORS!

_**Bathroom**_

_**Depressed**_

I hate my nose. I look like Nero. I may go nuts and burn something down.

Rome's nice this time of year, I hear.

I can't play the violin though. The air guitar would work, right?

Maybe I'll get a t-shirt that says

'I always ask myself: What would Nero do?

Heheheh. That'll teach him. Stupid Bagpu…DAMN IT!

_**Still Bathroom**_

_**Still so very very depressed**_

I hate myself. On the one hand, there's a lot of opportunity for self improvement.

Wow. That is so not comforting. I need angry girl music. And chocolate.

Lots of chocolate.


	2. Lily Can't Dance

_**In which Lily Can't Dance **_

_**by me. seriously.**_

_**I copyed nothing.**_

_**Except the characters. **_

_**Pink eraser: **_I mighty fond of mirrors. I am, I'm such a review whore...

**_ap gato: _**I think so too, which is partly why I love her! whats the deal with the name?

_**Jay Alpha: **_My chubby face agrees with you!

**_Princess Angel Rose: _**Some good choices are Kate Bush, Kelly Clarkson, The Calling, Letters to Cleo, No Doubt and Guns and Roses. Just a selection!

_**Hiro Ichiri: **_Here you go. You can have it as a present.

_**audreyblaine: **_Loved your story. Not read all of it but I shall when I have time. Cool name btw.

**_The Female Nerd:_** Read on, Macduff. Sorry. Doing Macbeth at school.

_**Fork-Tofu-pingpong-fish: **_:takes a bow: why thank you.

**_Bucky Katt Rocks_ : **I shall. Thanks for reviewing!

_**I'm getting my laptop back tomorrow so I may actually be CONSISTANT. It's shocking I know. You may need time to get over it.**_

_**ok. You can read on now. love iz xxxxxx **_

_**

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**_

_**Kitchens**_

_**Chocolate. Lots of Chocolate.**_

Oh God. I did the angry girl music first, to bolster myself to leave the room.

That went ok.

Then, thought I, it is time pour la CHOCOLAT.

That went less well.

It was really quiet when I put the music off soI, uh, may have been singing. Loudly.

And head banging.

I should probably point out I have quite….effervescent……..hair. So I was head banging and I was on the down swoop, with my hair hanging over my eyes when I hear this laughter. So I stop singing and foof my hair back. To see …….bagpuss.

BAGPUSS.

Oh crap.

That was my basic reaction.

It didn't help that the song I was singing may have been, uh, Wuthering Heights.

And I was at the high bit. So I was sort of squeaking.

Loudly.

I was just singing _let me in at your window _when Bagpuss appeared.

I'm not telling you what he said. You won't get it out of me.

**STOP STARING AT ME.**

Fine.

He said Any time.

_**Kitchen**_

_**Remarkably less chocolate.**_

ANY TIME!

What sort of perv says that?

And Remus was staring at me, like he was sorry.

He obviously doesn't know many girls.

WE DON'T LIKE BEING STARED AT.

When I am Queen only I will be able to stare.

What? It could happen.

_**Common Room**_

_**Lots of people staring at me**_

I've calmed down after the multiple exclamation points. I think Remus may have yelled at Bagpuss. He came to 'say sorry'. Which basically meant he came and smiled at me. And waited for me to melt.

I didn't.

Ha.

I just looked at him. For ages.

But then he spoiled it all. By making me talk. Which I can't do when I'm melting.

Which I sort of was.

Just the tiniest bit.

DAMN THOSE EYES.

So he asks me if I'll forgive him. So I say……….

Are there Midgesquibblers on the moon?

Yes, by the way was the answer to that.

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DON'T PRESS THE EXIT BUTTON! DON'T DO IT!

REVIEW! NOW! GO! GO!


	3. Lily lives a nutritional, healthy life

_**Lily is nutritional and lives a wholesome existence**_

_**Or**_

_**Treacle tart is good**_

_**By meeeeeeeeeeee.**_

_**Its my birthday in Wednesday, Be Nice!**_

_**SuperSpy**: _DoI get a certificate? Because I'm officially demanding one! Anyway, its always nice to be reviewed by someone who's work made you laugh yourself off your seat so…. Thanks. I'll try and update regularly!

_**Taryn: **Please keep on writing so I can review! _YES! THIS IS THE RIGHT ATTITUDE! And yes, we ALL love bagpuss. In all senses of the word.

**_Miss Popurock_**: Uh. That's a tad worrying because I live in London and in fact have Welsh parents. Thanks anyway!

**_PinkPixie37_**: Sorry! Its kind of random I know, but I hope you enjoy it.

**_Jewels5: _**Thanks! I'm eating my cookie now. Actually its more of a Granola bar. Details, details. Keep reading! Please!

**_The Female Nerd_**: She 'doesn't' like James, Remus is just a friend. And not it a shagging sort of way.

Lots of thanks and many sparkly waffle munkys of doooom to**:_ Queen Nosila, Wenham-Wonderer, amethestpony, TrunksGurl09 _**and**_ Bucky Katt Rocks._**

_**Love, **_

_**Iz xxxx**_

_**

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**_

_**Saturday! WHOOOO!**_

**_Extremely late breakkie. Its more of a lunch really. A brunch if you will._**

Mmm. Delishus nutritious meal of chips and treacle tart with mes pals. Or the Bitch Brigade as some have it. Flav and Ros are now CONVINCED that I love bagpuss and am pining away for love of the same.

Apparently they don't realise I'm pining for my dignity.

Which I lost with the midgesquibblers comment.

This is how our conversation went.

Me: Pass me that fork please.

Flavs: It's ok. I'm sure he'll go out with you SOME TIME

Me: Whaaa? And how is that comforting anyway?

Ros: Awwww. It breaks my heart to see you this sad, hon.

Me: (beginning to gibber slightly) What t'fuke?

Ros: I think we should have a girl's night out so you will feel better.

At this point I banged my head on the table. They had sapped the will to live out of me. Just stolen it away with their INCESANT INSANITY. Hey. That alliterated.

When I had finished thinking this, I caught Flavs saying 'She needs drink, LOTS of drink'.

That sounded a little more promising.

_**Who cares?**_

_**I'm effectively talking to myself**_

Went down to see Hagrid. He's surpisingly nice to me considering that accidentally-flying-into-your-roof-because-I can't-stop-showing-off-thing. God that was ouchie. It made a foof noise when I hit it and I got kind enveloped by the straw.

I nearly asphyxiated on horse feed.

Ah, schooldays, schooldays.

_**Exactly where I was before**_

**_Slightly less of So You've Decided To Be Pointless to read than before_**

I can't feel my teeth.

Stupid Rock cakes.

I guess that's what you get when you cook on open fires.

I saw the DADA professor on the way back up from El Hut.

I swear he should not be allowed near children. He was measuring cupboards. No normal person does that.

I said hello to him, I thought I would be charitable and kind.

He dropped his enormous comedy ruler.

Good grief. These are the educators of tomorrow's generation.

I reiterate: Good Grief.

Now, to get ready to go out. I'm thinking Urban Ho. I don't know what I would wear for that but it's always good to have a plan. The only problem with having a 'head's

dormie' type thing is the only person to ask about stuff is Bagpuss.

I'd probably end up asking him if he liked my irish pop tart.

And God knows that stuffed toy can make ANYTHING sound dirty.

Ah well

TO THE WARDROBE!

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I know you ALL want to review so don't ALL queue up at once. 

HA!

some hope.

hope you enjoyed the iz experiance.

iz xxx


	4. Lily does many, many stupid things

_**Lily does many, many stupid things.**_

_**  
**_

_**By moi.**_

_**(so nearly 15!)**_

**_GoddessoftheMaaN: _**Some conversation in this one. I'm not very good at it though

**_Taryn and Gina: _**Thanks :scrumples down cookies: cool name btw.

**_Winona Corinne: _**I know! I'm a horrible speller etc. sorry. They make sense in my head !

**_Jewel5: _**Thank you. I was kind of hungry. I am very fond of alliteration, but it's usually accident!

**_TrunksGurl09_**: wow. Thanks. I do have some stuff on FictionPress and what have you but I don't know that I'm good enuff to do it properly! Here's your chapter

**_I am a banana: _**It's like you read my mind……

**_SuperSpy: _**yes. It is pretty. I hope you enjoy it again. It's a nice long one this time.

**_Nicnak: _**I always think I have when I haven't! It's done now though

Thanks and mugs of tea to**_: Intentional untruth_**

_**Well people. Here is your chapter. It's nice and long and I hope its Intelligible. I'm not sure what's happened to my beta reader so it's interesting!**_

_**Have fun, enjoy and REVIEW!**_

_**Go on. It's my birthday on Wednesday.**_

_**

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**_

_**  
Bedroom  
**_

_**Getting All Hoed Up**_

Doo Doo Doo. I love going out. I should do it more often. Except that I invariably do something stupid. Like accidentally show Bagpuss my undies.

Here's how it happened. I should probably tell you I'm a bit of a screamer. And I scream LOUDLY.

So.

I was getting dressed and I had my jeans on (thank god!). I was going to find my top in the GIANT EEEEVIL WARDROBE. I opened it and This THING comes stumbling out. I retained enough knowledge from my last DADA lesson to realise it was an INFERI.

So basically a DEAD, ICKY, THING was in my wardrobe. And therefore in my room. With me.

My reaction to thinking this was:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Well. After I thought how all my stuff was gonna be icky and deady.

So I turn and sprint from the room (which is quite a feat for me) and on the way down the stairs hit James and we kind of fall in a big heap.

Where I end up under James.

While I abhor and detest him…….he is kind of hot.

Anyway. Back to my story.

So he gets off me after what felt like a MILLION YEARS and pulls me up. It is now I realise that I am wearing no clothes. Except my undies and low cut jeans. I then realise I have to go back into my dead room to rectify this situation. So I grab a jumper which is lying on the sofa. Which is James'. Of Course.

But I am then past caring. James starts up the stairs.

J: Are you ok?

Evidently not.

Me: I'm fine. Except that there is a DEAD THING IN MY ROOM.

J: A WHAT? How did it get in?

Me: Uh. Through my wardrobe.

He was trying not to grin. It was becoming rapidly obvious to me why.

J: Could it perhaps have been a Boggart?

Me: maybe. I guess. But it looked really real!

J: They do tend to do that. I go get rid of it for you.

Me: I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself.

J: Obviously

I whacked his shoulder on my way up.

Heheheheh.

_**Bedroom**_

_**Entirely Devoid of Creepies**_

I called Bagpuss James all through that, didn't I.

Crap.

I hope this evening turns out better than it started. I poked myself with my mascara brush, couldn't find my lipgloss, and humiliated myself completely.

Fun.

_**Table**_

_**The Three Broomsticks**_

I Looooooooooooooooooooooooooove Firewhisky. Itsh my BEST friend in the world.

IT wouldn't wink at me, like BAGPUSS just did.

I CAN'T CONTROL MY EYES!

They just winked back.

Ew.

I'm all alooone because Ros has gone off with Remus somewhere.

Jeez, it's like they've been MARRIED for a hundred years. Seriously. They have nicknames. Not NORMAL ones like honey or babe. WEIRD ones which I refuse to repeat in this hollowed notebook.

Like little fruitcake.

That's just inviting trouble.

_**Later.**_

_**Drunk off my arse.**_

Oh dear. Me n Sirius n Flav n Bagpuss are walking down the street singing _Lead Me On _From top gun, that fabulous classic. We got about half way through before I fell over. Off my heels.

Which were about three inches. No shit.

Ros measured them.

This unfortunately exposed most of my cleavage to the world as I was wearing a veeeeery low cut top.

Sirius and Flav took this as their cue to start snogging. Then Bagpuss helped me up (for the second time in about three hours).

And we leant against the wall of some house or other. We were quite far away from the main village buy this point. I don't want to explain this. I'll just put how it happened.

Me: I really want to dance.

J: Sing then and we will dance to it.

Me: why do I have to sing?

J: Fine. We'll ALL (he realised there were only two of us) BOTH sing.

Me: You start.

J: Fine, I will.

_i could stay awake just to hear you breathing _

_watch you smile while you are sleeping _

_while you're far away and dreaming_

_i could spend my life  
in this sweet surrender_

_i could stay lost in this moment forever_

_every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure_

_i don't wanna close my eyes  
i don't wanna fall asleep _

_cause i'll miss you babe  
and i don't wanna miss a thing_

_cause even when i dream of you  
the sweetest dream will never do_

_i still miss you babe  
and i don't wanna miss a thing_

And we were slow dancing. Really close. And then……

We were snogging. Kind of….passionately.

So it was all good until, over James' shoulder, where he's kissing my neck, I hear……

'Well, if it isn't young Mr. Potter!'

Crap. Double Crap.

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Have fun? Cliffie! Love iz xxx 


	5. Lily is afraid, very afraid

_**Lily is afraid, very afraid**_

_**Or Bad mental pictures**_

_**By meeeee**_

_**

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**_

_**Lxlriotgirlx: why thank you. Here you go.**_

_**Taryn and Gina: yes u do. Thanks! I WANT MORE COOKIES!**_

_**Superspy: BOW DOWN TO THE MUFFINY GOODNESS! That's ok. I will forgive u if u send my MY MUFFIN!.**_

_**Trunkgurl09: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW! Unless you read the chapter. Then you will.**_

_**Timere: hehehe. I hope ur kidding! Poor bagpuss! Know what u mean tho…. What is it with top gun? Its so catchy.**_

**_Ap gato: heheh. Love the story! Thanks, my writing makes no sense either so. Yay! 15 on Wednesday!_**

**_Hugs and Granola for: Winona Corinne, The female nerd, phantom girl 795, goddessoftheMaaN and Leencz ._**

_**I'm sorry if it makes no sense! My friends threw me a surprise Party yesterday and I'm so full of chocolate I can barely move! **_

_**  
Enjoy, and Hugs, Iz xxxxx**_

_**

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**_

_**Where we left our girl:**_

Well, if it isn't young Mr. Potter!'

Crap. Double Crap.

_**

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**_

_**Outside in the dark**_

_**Scared shitless**_

We sobered up pretty damn fast.

Shit. Seriously shit, shit, shit.

James tensed and for a second he looked into my eyes and pushed something into my hands, which had been pressed onto his chest. He sighed and turned around slowly as if he had been talking to me.

He had pushed me behind him slightly so I had lean around his shoulders to see anything, seeing as how he's a good half foot taller than me.

I thought that was going a bit far.

Well, I looked and suddenly understood James' over-protectiveness.

Death Eaters.

Here, In Hogsmead.

Just imagine the gagging noise as I swallow my words.

I figured I'd leave the talking to James. He spends his entire life duelling.

Albeit not with the servants of the most eeeevil wizard in the history of the world.

But still.

' Oh, Mr. Potter' Said the Death E. at the front, 'What would Daddy say if he saw you with the mudblood whore?'

James laughed.

'What would your daddy say if he knew you were talking to me, Malfoy? He wasn't very pleased when we beat you for the cup, was he?'

Malfoy did nothing for a second. Then he threw his hood back, revealing white blond hair and a smirk. The others threw their hoods back

Shit.

We were going to die

Fuck, fuck. Fuck.

James clicked his finger softly behind his back to get my attention. I was so fucking scared I didn't even resent this. He whispered from the side if his mouth

'Say Sirius into the mirror. Tell him Operation Ginger Spiderman'

'Tell him what?'

James hadn't taken his eyes of Lucius Malfoy.

'Lily, You gotta trust me on this one'

No shit.

Or we were both dead.

I squeezed his hand and he didn't let go.

I ducked slightly behind him and pulled out the thing he had given me.

It was a circular mirror, slightly incredulously, I spoke into it, softly.

'Sirius!'

'James m'boy! Or Lily. Apparently.'

'Sirius, no time. James says Operation Ginger Spiderman!'

His eyes widened.

'You're sure? No shit, O.G.S?'

'No shit'

'Where are you?'

'Down the road that goes towards the mountains. And Sirius?'

He looked worried now.

'Yeah?'

'Hurry'

While James was doing an excellent job distracting Voldie's friends, he was getting

angry. His hands were shaking behind him. I clasped his non-wand hand in mine.

'Don't let them get to you' I whispered 'Stay focused.'

Malfoy was on some massive I-have-you-at-my-mercy-so-I'm-going-to-talk-a-lot-and-give-you-a-chance-to-formulate-a-plan-and-escape jag so I looked around at the others.

There were five in all. I suspect it was just a reccie mission.

They were all part of a crew of Slytherins who had left anywhere between last year and four years ago (Malfoy).

There was a white blonde woman, Narcissa Black, Sirius's cousin. I heard she's going to marry Malfoy actually.

Her sister was there too, Bellatrix Black, dark and really veeery crazy looking. The Lestranges were there too. Oh, no wait. Bellatrix Black married Lestrange, didn't she?

Ew.

That is not a mental picture I want.

Especially when I'm about to die.

I think Malfoy noticed that both me and James were wearing slightly vacant expressions and he was, in fact, talking to himself.

He wasn't a happy bunny.

He raised his wand.

'Enough games'

James pulled my closer behind him and wrapped his free arm around my back. I rested my forehead just below his neck.

So this is it.

We're going to die

Well, Fuck you world.

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sorry! another cliffie! Enjoy! 

love iz xx


	6. Lily is not good with bad situations

_**Lily is terrible with bad situations**_

_**By El Birthday Queen**_

_**Feltonsgirl190210: YAY! The irish beta have landed! Here's you special dedication. YAYAYAYAYAYAY!**_

_**Taryn and Gina: mmmmmmm! Cookies! Sorry. Another cliffie (kindof)**_

_**Superspy: I know im such a bitch! MY computer can send muffins through the cd drive. WHATS WRONG WITH URS! Heheh.**_

_**Pink Eraser: sure. I know its gross. You'll have to wait and see.**_

**_Thanks and iced buns to: Zilla McFilla,trunksgurl09, andGoddessoftheMaan. I'm soooooo sorry if I missed anyone! You'll be in the next one!_**

_**My birthday on Wednesday! I'm ridiculously exited!**_

_**Anyhoo. On with the story!**_

_**Love, **_

_**Iz xxx**_

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****

_**Still Outside**_

_**Slightly less scared**_

THERE IS A GOD!

And he hates Malfoy. Hehehe.

But back to my story.

It was just about here I lost ALL hope and I was thinking No shit:

I AM GOING TO DIE.

That was when Malfoy said 'enough games'

That was also when a heavenly, blessed, beloved voice said:

'Oh no, The games are just beginning'

You gotta hand it to Black.

He knows how to make an entrance.

So James has moved a bit and now I can see that he's standing there with Flav, and Ros and Remus, and from what I could see, Frank and Alice and a couple of sixth years on the Quidditch team with James

Anyway.

We now outnumbers Voldie's lickle pals. Which would really sway this in our favour if they weren't all eeeevil and sadistic trained killers.

Which they are.

But still. I'm feeling a little more confident.

They walk up and range themselves behind us, Sirius standing next to James and Flavs next to me. She never could wait to get into a fight.

She should probably work on that.

Malfoy starts laughing but I could kind of tell he was a little uneasy, I mean, we're not so much younger than he is and hell, everyone knows that while the Marauders are fucking annoying, they sure can throw a punch.

Or spell.

A metaphorical punch.

So he's laughing and we're starting to think he's just doing it to fill the time and then I get this sudden really BAD urge to laugh and I can tell Flavs does to because she's CRUSHING my hand but we can't laugh at the crazies in case they, you know,

kill us.

I REALLY have to laugh. I'm going red.

And so is Flavs.

And everyone is staring at us. A lot.

And we're angering the crazy kill-o-matics. A lot also.

Shit.

We just hid behind James and Sirius.

Here's how their let's-try-to-recover-our-cool thing went

S: So :cough: So how are my dear cousins?

BB: we're not your cousins any more!

S: technically, y'are

NB: No!

S: _after considering _Yes. You really are.

M: Enough!

J: why are you even here?

M: don't think you'll get anything out of us that way.

S: yeah, James. You want anything actually intelligible, You're gonna have to be a lot more obvious.

M: _Snarling _Well, aren't you…….

I didn't hear any more. Bellatrix had been moving very slightly until Sirius was exactly in her sight. She lifted her wand…..

Shit, shit, I've got to do something NOW. NOW NOW NOW!

Oh right.

'PUGNARABAT!'

I pushed Sirius down just in time. Unfortunately I hadn't quite thought it through.

Sirius went down, but I stayed where I was.

I managed to yell out 'GLADIATRATUS!'.

And got hit full in the chest.

The slash of golden fire went straight through me, and I felt my knees collapse under me with pain.

I heard Bellatrix shriek in pain. I grinned as I sank into a pair of arms.

Someone yelled in anger, fury,

'LILY!'

* * *

GASP!

James will save her.

Or will he?

Find out in the next installment of...

SUPER LILY!


	7. Lily has a biatch

_**Lily has a biatch.**_

_**By meeeeee**_

_**In my year fifteeny!**_

_**Feltonsgirl….: Heheheh. Lots of nice reviews!**_

_**Super spy: HA! Send me sprinkles!**_

_**KOOKIE123: what t'fuke is a hilarious expression poking funa t people from the north of England. It means wtf.**_

_**GoddessoftheM: he don't see BB. Sorry! Used to using quote marks…Bloody history teavher and her essays…..**_

_**BlankmindedNonBlondePerson: heheh. I've been doing it 4 years I don't get it half the time…..**_

_**Marauders babe: BACK OFF BIATCH! SIRIUS BE MINE! Heheh.**_

_**Trapped rabbit: evidently not. SIRIUS OWNS MY SOUL! BWAHAHAHAHAH!**_

_**Ron Lover 2005: all welcome new or not. Greet the old crowd…their names be around here somewhere…..**_

_**Winona Corinne: YEAH! FIFTEENY!**_

_**Jewel5: yes superlily biatch. :slurp: goooood frappacino….**_

**_LOTS OF LOVE TO: Ap Gato…Taryn and Gina… .Trunksgurl09… ….ZillaMcFilla…………female nerd………tee hee……..ferretsandkangaroos…._**

…_**.pink eraser…..hplovesme…..tantan….i am a banana……RIP LEP…..**_

…_**..heiress to the dark throne……**_

_**BIG HELLO TO PRI, I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS!**_

_**(they threw me a surprise party. FUCK, WAS IT A SURPRISE…..)**_

_**Hope you like this, guys! Review lots! I'm off to do my latin….then my greek, crap….**_

_**Love, iz xxx**_

_**

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**_

_**Somewhere Crinkly**_

_**Smells like carbolic**_

Odd.

I could have sworn that Sirius and Flavs were leaning over me and saying

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Chocolate."

I could do with some chocolate though. Too tired to move. I'll get it later.

My hand is oddly warm.

_**Same odd crinklyness**_

Is it worrying that it just took me ten minutes to open my eyes?

I can't seem to move very much either.

My hand is warm though. I wonder why. I better summon enough strength to look.

OUCHIES!

Oh, my neck!

It was worth it though. Guess who be holding my hand?

That's right.

It be Bagpuss.

I must say, he is adorable when he's asleep.

Even if his forehead is pressed into my ring. And I can't move my hand.

_**Same place**_

To be fair I can't move anything much.

_**Later.**_

Why is Bagpuss asleep on my arm?

Oh shit, shit, I don't remember anything from last night…

OH CRAPCRAPCRAP

I became another Bagpuss girl, didn't I?

Oh shit, what am I doing in the hospital wing?

I probably have alcohol poisoning.

Or horrible, horrible STDs

Oh, fuck, fuck, I am going to die…

Wait.

That phrase sounds oddly familiar.

And why do I remember death eaters at this party?

That doesn't sound like fun.

Oh thank god.

Flavs.

_**Later**_

_**Veeeeeeeery confuzzled.**_

Well

Here is an interesting turn up for the books.

It would appear that James…..uh….

Savedmylife.

**KIND OF.**

Still.

This is how it went:

**Me**: FLAVS THANK GOD OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED YESTERDAY I DON'T REMEMBER AT ALL DID I SLEEP WITH POTTER AM I GOING TO DIE?

**F:** What? Don't you remember any thing?

**Me**: nope.

**F**: well. This could be interesting. I guess I'll just plunge right in….

You slept with James and you're pregnant!

**Me**: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

**F**: ah, just messing with you. We were attacked by death eaters.

**Me**: you BITCH. And we were WHAT?

**F**: Malfoy and his Incredible Blondeness

**Me**: so why don't I remember?

**F**: well, you….uh….took a hit for Sirius. But you didn't plan it very well. It hit you full on. It would have killed you if you hadn't caught Bellatrix Black off guard. Nice jinx by the way.

**Me: **So how come we aren't…..you know…..dead.

**F: **Well, its interesting you should ask that……

I hate that twinkle in her eye. It's never good.

….James went kindof…ape….when you went down and started firing off at people left right and centre. I gotta hand it to your boyfriend Lils, he knows how to get a curse out. He carried you back up here when Voldie's mates went running back to him. He hasn't left you since.

**Me: **So what? That's only, what, a couple of hours?

**F: **Lils, It's Thursday.

Well. That's interesting.

It does explain things.

**F**: So. How you feeling?

I would have shrugged if I could have moved my shoulders.

**Me: **Ok. Except I can't move very much.

This wicked little grin comes over her face.

**F:** so, I guess you'll be wanting me to move James?

**Me**: yes please?

**F**: Damn. I really have to go! What a coincidence!

**Me**: You get right back here!

She waved at me from the door.

And mouthed "He's your biatch".

Bitch.

I'll have to wake him myself.

I tried coughing.

Loudly.

He snored slightly and murmured 'Wafflies' in his sleep.

What in the name of Super Cam are Wafflies?

Eventually I got so bored of watching my the paint on the walls dry I yelled

'JAMES'

Really loud.

That woke him up.

Heheheh.

I pretended to be asleep. I really am a fantastic pretender of being asleep.

I looked at him through my eyelashes. His hair looks like someone ironed it into a point. Heh.

He has the print of my ring on his forehead.

He started looking at me. I closed my eyes really quickly.

It was silent for ages. I thought maybe he'd gone.

The a voice goes, really quietly

"Wake up soon, baby"

And he kissed me, softly.

On the lips.

Bloody Hell.

* * *

you like? 

REVIEW! ESPECIALLY YOU PRIA!

love iz xxx


	8. Lily wants her muscles back

_**Lily wants her muscles back**_

_**By meeeeee**_

**_GoddessoftheMaan:_**thanks. Its good, my grammer is terrible!

**_Trunksgurl09: _**WHOOOOO! FIFTEENY!

**_The Female Nerd_**: heheheh. Like it!

**_Marauders babe: _**HE'S MINE! Ahh, if only they actually existed and we could settle this.

**_I am a banana: _**T'anks for me marshmallow. I was thinking of doing some detective work wiz my favourite leetle people.

**_Jay alpha: heheh. _**Well they are dead hot….the BEST combination.

**_Heiress to the dark throne: _**here you go!

**_Ronlover2005: _**heheh. Here you go, enjoy!

**_Ap gato: thanks_**, I did. And yes work up your vocabulary again!**_ WHOO! SIRIUS LOVERS UNITE! (you too M.B.)_**

**_Pink Eraser: _**Flavs is Flavia, I don't think I explained that! Sorry!

**_Taryn and Gina: _**WHOOOO INDEED! We all love bagpuss,

**_Winona Corinne: _**thanks!

**_Haruko Higurashi: _**thanks! Wow, gary's gone inter continental! Although now I think about it like none of u are English so. And your English is better than mine!

**_Hey guys! I was kindof high on sugar so this could be more logical! If you'v got any questions, add me to msn or email me. Enjoy!_**

_**Love iz xxx**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**Hospital Wing**_

_**Bored off my arse**_

Whoops.

I may have just invoked sacred spirits to bring me chocolate and alcohol.

I got them though.

And that's all that matters.

I have this massive pile of chocolate right, but its too far away to reach with my odd muscle condition.

I can't unwrap the bloody things either. I made Flavs sit with me for about an hour, but she had to go the stupid stupid Quidditch match.

Which I want to playing in.

Oh dear. Just remembered. There is no replacement seeker.

We're screwed.

While I will grudgingly admit that James is a good Chaser, there is only so much he

can do.

I better practise looking frail for when they all come and yell at me.

_**So hungry….**_

It would be a lot easier if I could forget the chocolate mound.

IT'S CRUEL! IT'S RIGHT THERE!

I'm practically crying. I guess that's good for looking frail though. I can hear the cheering.

Damn it.

**Where is my admiration?**

Not here, that's for sure. I'm going to sleep now out of pure despair.

_**Creepy dreams about stalkers**_

_**Still Chocolate less**_

I woke to find James Potter attempting to escape from my bedside, where he had OBVIOUSLY been doing that staring thing again.

He fell over Flavs chair and knocked himself unconscious.

I would have left him there, but some of the team came in, all very soggy, to see how I was.

Sirius grinned at me and picked him up off the floor.

"What d'you do to him, Lils?"

"It's my stunning beauty obviously"

They laughed.

So I asked about the match.

"How was the match?"

They all cheered. Like they were drunk. Which they probably were, to be fair.

"WE WON" they all yell at me.

Well, Thanks.

It's good to know I'm an important member of the team.

"Who played?" I ask trying to sound casual.

Flavs looked me kind of oddly.

"We subbed in Emmeline Vance, She's not too shabby, you know. I think Sirius should worry about his place on the team."

"Why Sirius? Don't you mean me?"

"She played Chaser. She's not much of a seeker"

They were deliberately avoiding the issue. I'd get it out of them if it killed me.

"So who played Seeker?"

They glanced at each other.

"James" said Sirius eventually "James did"

Oh great.

Not only did he save my life, now he's stealing my place on the team.

I'd suck up to the captain.

But he's James.

* * *

Quite short i know, but she's gonna talk to James ALONE next chappie so... 

love

iz xxx


	9. Lily tells a story

**Lily tells a story**

_**By moi.**_

Hplovesme: here ya go gives gronola and a mingle 

_**Trunksgurl09:I think the term u r searching for is review like ho. Heheheh.**_

_**GoddessoftheMaan: WHOOOO! Here u go.**_

_**Anna: don't we all? NO! WE LOOOVE SIIRIUS! S.L.U!**_

_**Pink eraser: its actually gonna be in the next chappie, sorry! I got a little carried away. Anyhoo.**_

_**Female nerd: ok…..cowers….please send foooooooooooooooood…puts up sign**_

_**WILL WRITE FOR MUFFINS**_

_**Ap gato: we should. We could meet the sean bean lovers for an annual game of lacrosse……..heheheh. Irie, meet Gary. He loves pickles and is a secret superhero.**_

_**Audreyblaine: heheh. Here ya go!**_

_**I am a banana: they are indeed. Mmmm marshmellowy goodness**_

_**Siriusly.mad.for.sweets: it struck that I never have either. She might be seeker in my other fic too….**_

_**Ron lover 2005: chocolate cures eeeeeeverything**_

_**Jewels: why thank you takes a bow **_

_**Heiress-to-the-dark-throne: ahh, the wonder of an ego boost….**_

_**Skippy: sorry. Couldn't be bothered to the ferrets fandango. Good name but LONG. I know I would have blown my top!**_

_**Winona Corinne: james be unsoggy because he have not showered, he went straight to lily. That's my story and I'm sticking to it…..**_

_**Barefoot bohemian: lol. It is very british I guess… I LOVE those books. I'm probably stealing more than I realise……..**_

_**Another chapter, my minions! Rejoice, for you must realise your great and bountiful leader ie. Me is fabulous at lacrosse and BadMinton. **_

_**And the villagers rejoiced.**_

_**Anyhoo. Enjoy!**_

_**Love iz xxxxx**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**The Common Room.**_

'Resting' 

Christ, I'm bored. I nearly ate my own head to stop myself clawing my way out of here through the ventilation shaft.

Do castles have ventilation shafts?

I sincerely hope not as it is unlikely to be good for their defences.

Although I guess we have magic to do that.

Ok

Since ALL my 'friends' have gone to lessons for some reason I am

forbidden to do anything taxing

completely alone and therefore have no-one to get me stuff and

bored out of my frigging mind

And they ate my chocolate mountain.

Bastards.

_**Common room**_

_**Can't reach anything but this.**_

I guess I'll write a little something about myself then.

How about a nice faerie story?

Are you sitting comfortably?

Then I'll begin.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named, let's say, out of pure coincidence, Lily. She had red curls and it was said far and wide across the kingdom that it was as if her very head was on fire. She had sparkling emerald eyes, which, it was said, were like that bit of your goldfish tank that you never clean out.

_She took this a complement. _

_She hadn't much choice._

_Now, one day, some very baaaad-arse men and a couple of women of questionable sexuality, said they did not like Princess Lily and people like her, because of who her parents were. Many people did not like this and said so. Lily was one of them._

_They killed her parents._

_Lily went to a school for people with special talents, and not even in a retarded sort of way, (although she had her doubts about some people she could mention). She didn't tell many people at her school about this._

_She didn't know why. Maybe I didn't like those looks people give when they pity you._

_You know the ones. Like they know how you feel. Like they care how you feel._

_They just want a piece of the scandal._

_A few years after this happened Princess Lily caught the attention of Prince Bagpuss. She came to love him passionately, but her pride would not let her show this, as she knew it would not be returned. This made her a little more crazy than she already was but she could live with it._

_Then her good friend Lady Flavia started going out with Prince Bagpuss' best friend, Prince Sirius and as Ros was already practically married to Remus, I was thrown in with James more and more. A series of events occurred and I was thrown closer and closer to him, The seeker spot finally opened on the team, We were made Heads, its beginning to seem a little bit more like fate than I care for. And now I can't take it any more. I've got to get out of this, resolve it somehow._

Because I can't go on like this.

Concealing my grief behind the crazy.

Sweet Jesus, I made myself cry just thinking about my stupid, pitiful pretence of a life.

_**The Astronomy Tower**_

You may remember leaving me bawling my eyes out because my life sucks?

So I was chucking it down, these fat, deeply unattractive tears GUSHING down my face and making my lips go MASSIVE, in walks none other than J Potter.

Of course.

So he takes one look at me and goes WHITE because no doubt he thinks I've done something stupid again and hurt myself. He runs over and puts his arms around my shoulders and goes

"Fuck, fuck, are you ok? What should I do? Shall I get Madame Pomfrey?"

I shook my head, which was about all I could manage, and then he noticed this book lying open where I dropped it on the sofa and starts to read it. All the while he was kind of absent-mindedly rubbing my back and I was really tired from crying for about half an hour so I didn't really realise that if he read it he would in fact know why I was crying.

Which would defeat the point of my crying.

But would also mortify me beyond belief.

Obviously.

He was frowning slightly.

"That summer you went home early. And Ros said it was your sister's wedding…"

I laughed ruefully, but somewhere along the way it turned into a sob. He pulled me closer and rested his chin on the top of my head. I could feel the steady rhythm of his breathing against my chest his breath warm on my forehead.

It was oddly comforting and eventually I calmed down a little bit.

Birds sang. The skies cleared. The villagers rejoiced.

Until I remembered it was James.

At which point I remembered the whole stealing my place on the team thing that he pulled on while I was in HOSPITAL. And then coming and dripping on my bed my useless friends.

And that started me off again, because I remembered that I had only been saved from my near death experience with Voldie's mates by said place thief.

And it was really very ungrateful of me to be soaking his robes with my stupid girly crying.

So I forced my self to stop a little bit and a breathed in and out for a while because, well, that's what they do in hospital dramas.

I looked up at James, and he was staring down at me with this kind of furious intensity and I'm ashamed to say it was very sexy indeed.

So I'm looking at him and his expression softened a little but he didn't relax his arms around me so I stayed where I was. And then……I was kind of reaching up to him and I closed my eyes when….

BLAM!

Sirius and Flavs crashed simultaneously through the door, screaming

"THE BELLS!"

And laughing manically.

James and I were so close we were basically kissing so I turned and ran for it. I don't know why exactly.

Except it turns out you shouldn't do this after a near death experience as my useless legs let me get up just as far as the fifth floor by the entrance to the stairs that lead to the astronomy tower (where I had been going) before joining in cahoots with my spinning head and giving out completely. I gather I fell very publicly straight into James' arms. He had been following me. For 'my own good'.

It would seem he was correct.

So anyway.

He helped me up the TWISTY TWISTY stairs to tower since it was too far back to the common room and there was a lot of gawping going on. It did occur to me that possibly going up to a secluded tower wouldn't silence these gawpers but I wasn't feeling too rational.

And then the whole world went black.

* * *

GASP! 


	10. The Bitch Brigade Strikes again

**The Bitch Brigade Strikes again**

**By moi.**

**

* * *

**

**Siriusly.mad.for….:** I dunno. I guess you'd assume? Would you? I think I would. I don't know. There are some gaping flaws in the story, ill probably redraft the whole thing at some point.

**SuperSpy: **:eats muffins off the floor: Crowd: that's disgusting! GET IT FIXED! The things I do for u people…..

**Goddessofthe….: **no, NEARLY but not quite. I'll let u use your imagination….

**Jay alpha: **I know! I'm a sucker for the eyes……

**I am a banana: **I know. They would die for that. Awww. I know what you mean. On my other, less popular fics I have like, 4.

**Ronlover2005: **it totally doesthanks! I haven't updated for about 2 months so maybe less well…..

**Crystalkisses**: Steal my crown would you! Thanks! I love your S.N.! it rocketh.

**The Female Nerd**: SHE'S ILL! And it's a plot device……..shut up.

**Ap gato: **the bells is a very long story. There's a quote, mybe you know it that goes 'for whom do the bells toll' (or something) then it goes they toll for thee. Which is a hilarious greeting obviously. And we have these really loud old bells at my school (which is old and clangy). And it is fun to yell THE BELLS whenever they go off and I'm late (so all the time). Give it a try. It's a surprising amount of fun. Gary: ONE time? What kind of muse are you? Sorry. He's pretty much uncontrollable…..

**Winona Corinne: **we can always hope…..

**Pri: **whoot! I'm actually talking to you now, but have some coffee anyway. Caffeine junkie.

**Snowy winter ….: **you can stay. Only nice things to say to poor overworked Izzie…:sniff: gives you festive muffin you might want to take the holly off that.

**Pink eraser**: don't we all?

**My FAB IRISH BETA READER: **well you can't have him. Heheheh. Talk to you SOON! Stupid art project…it takes so LONG!

**Trapped rabbit: **pleeeeease? I'm huuuuungry!

**Thanks and festive Christmas sparklies for:**Audreyblaine** hplovesme, **heiress to the darkthrone,** iona stevenson, **trunksgurl **daisy pixie**

**love you all,**

**iz xxx**

**

* * *

**

**Depression.**

**That's all.**

**Well. A little anger too…..**

Oh GREAT.

As if the situation wasn't bad ENOUGH.

Flavs, who means well but has a tendency to FUCK THINGS UP RIDICULOUSLY, has entered me for some kind of talent show. The operative word there being TALENT. Which I unfortunately do not have.

You may wonder why we have to have a talent show now, though there has apparently been no need of one till now. I asked Dumbledore at the next head meeting.

You want to know what he said?

Do you?

TO KEEP UP MORALE!

YEAH, LAUGHING AT ME!

We only need a so called morale booster because no one in this school can keep their mouth shut. I've had swarms of annoying children following me around and I haven't even left the common room. They are supposed to RESPECT me.

You add a little scandal and you lose you standing. Its SHOCKING.

Oh who am I kidding.

Its almost scary how many people here idolize James. There's a VAGUE RUMOUR that he stopped someone KILLING you because you were in GRAVE DANGER and suddenly you're UBERBITCH.

Odd, non.

But anyway.

Where did I leave you, faithful diary?

Oh right.

Running + near death experience constant collapsaition.

So, by the time I come round again this creepy little boy is staring at me, lying on the floor in a general state of disrepair, and James was just coming in with Flavs and the others behind him.

He turned to the kid.

"you can fuck off now"

"James" I said, making them all jump "stop corrupting the youth"

Flavs comes over and kneels down.

"you know what would cheer you up?" she says hauling me onto the window seat/sill/thing " I ENTERED YOU IN A TALENT SHOW!"

I nearly fainted again I swear.

Weak and frail as I was ahem I grabbed her by the scruff f the neck.

"You did WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY, HO-BITCH?"

James, Sirius and the others laughed.

Loudly.

I've got to say, Sirius is NOT a very good boyfriend.

Ah well.

She deserves it.

But that's not the worst part.

I was calming down a bit and thinking its ok, I'll just cross my name off. I expressed this thought to see Remus and James looking uneasy.

Remus began " The last meeting we had, someone may have suggested that we make it impossible to back out. To stop people putting their names down as a joke…."

I lunged at Flavs but was unfortunately held back by James and Sirius, who was laughing so hard he had to hand over to Remus in the end.

Then Ros started on how it wasn't so bad.

WASN'T SO BAD!

DOES SHE HAVE TO PRODUCE SOME KIND OF TALENT?

I venture to think not.

But then Ros just goes and doubles the crapness of the situation.

"You could sing that song you wrote. You know…"

She sings the first two lines, not right and the words screwed up but that's not the point. Anyone can see it's a love song.

CRAP BOLLOCKS SHITE

"When did you write it?" asks James casually. Would-be-casually. His eyes are oddly strained.

"Few weeks ago" I shrug, not meeting his eyes.

There was a pause and my eyes pushed themselves up and I caught his expression.

Sirius asked the question they were dying to know.

"Who did you write it for?"

Its uncomfortable now, I'm too hot, too cold, I can't meet anyone's eyes, especially not his, can't he see I'm terrified?

This is it.

The end of the chase.

He walks out of the door without of a word, banging it violently behind him.

Well.

I guess that's that.

* * *

REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! 


	11. Lily muses on life in general

_**I am a banana: **_I think we both know I'M queen of everything. :eats mellow: headless chickens so can babble, otherwise WHERE DOES THE SAYING COME FROM?

**incom.twitch: **MONEY! AHAHAH:scheming fingers: _ ok FINE here's your update..._

_**the female nerd:**_ i know, sorry :cowers:

_**superspy:**_ there better not be a bite! i don't wrote for sheer ENJOYMENT! heheh. full body sit ups, the root of all evil! re:brownies. one word for ya : CRAM IT IN! yay! you updated washing james'...

**_siriusly.mad.for: _**Bump! right back atcha, i can't remember! follow the authors golden rule: if you don't remember, bullshit...

**_ Goddessofthemaan:_** WHOOT! why thank you

**_trapped.rabbit: _**i like to think that thet're like my friends, lol Pri! i did once enter her for a singing thing...

**_Aussie Disney Lover:_** why thank you newbie

**_Daisy Pixie: _**:holds it at arms length: what t'fuke be this?

**ronlover2005 **: lol! i'm so inconsistant, SORRY GUYS!

**_tee hee : _**thanks! i know! poor girl

**_Audrey Blaine: _**james' eyes, sorry i'm so confusing!**  
**

**_ravenclaw gal93: _**SEW THEM BACK TOGETHER! YOUR SIDES! YOU NEED THEM TO LIVE!

_**hplovesme: **_WHOOO! you know it...

**_aly n AJ:_** Well, i wouldnt want you to burst...

**_jewels5: _**i don't want to give it away but lets just say, i love the smack of violence...mmmmm cakeylicious

_**ap gato: **_NOO! GARY! GET AWAY FROM THERE THIS INSTAN..._heheheh hello all. hey irie, bells are FUN. they are VERYYY loud. they cause all kinds of havoc. its almost worrying how easy iz is to hold down..._DAMN IT_  
_

_**heiress.to.the...: **_indeed you shall. BUT NOT YET! BWAHAHAH

_**marauders babe: **_NEVER! TO RIO DE GENARO, SIRIUS! PLAN RUN AWAY!

**_feltonsgirl_**: heheh, i know what you mean! CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO BE THE FILM! you can have him tho because SIRIUS IS MINE!

**_winonna corinne_**: james, not telling you yet. he deff. thinks so though.

**_dragonsgorgeous.._**.: thats ok, MOST OF YOU ARE cough useless regulars cough

**_trunksgurl:_** thanks i tend to get a bit carried away...

**_jay alpha_**: i know, sorry, i'm horribly confusing. i;m currently snatching writing time between work.

**_pink eraser: _**lol, i know! feeling a bit ott. flavs may be, uh, slightly based on me. only slightly.

**_Queen Nosila:_** thanq, i like to think so!

_ **I'm writing this to stave off i'm so shit at maths depression. which is fun**_

_**kind of a fill chapter, don't get your hopes up...**_

_**iz xxxx**_

_**gary **_

_**what? kisses are for girls.**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**Extreme Depression**_

_**No, really**_

I have a fabulous plan.

It's crafty AND cunning.

You wanna hear it, don't you?

I know you do.

Well.

Ok.

But only because you forced my hands. I'm not vain.

_**The Best Plan There Has Ever Been And That Will Ever Be In The History Of The Entire World**_

You remember how my 'friends' signed me up to sing some stupid song I wrote a couple of weeks ago?

Well.

When Flavs is asleep I will put polyjuice into EVERYTHING she might conceivably drink. Then she will be me.

And she will have to sing.

And I will laugh heartily.

That'll teach her.

Bitch.

Pot calling kettle black but whatever.

I amaze myself sometimes.

And, yes, I realise there could be some shall we say 'civilian casualties' but they've gotta TAKE ONE FOR TEAM.

Bastards.

I'm very very very angry still.

You may have noticed.

Well. More confused than angry.

One the one hand, I was basically rejected by the man I love.

On the other, I was proved right.

As always.

But still.

Even my smugness can't quite cover the ridiculous humiliation.

They were all _sorry._

They all looked at me like….like they did before when….when my parents died.

And I remembered why I don't get…

Involved with people.

Because it always ends like this.

In tears.

Which sucks.

Anyway, back to my story.

So Sirius was looking sort of angry as he stormed out after James. Which was kind of odd, now I think about it.

I'm so depressed. Maybe I should do some actual work.

Nah.

I'd rather wallow in my own tragedy. I should probably do some training actually, given I haven't been out since my little accident with voldie's biatches. I'd just seduce my captain but it's, you know,

My rival.

So I doubt it would help much.

And gross.

Now, about that polyjuice potion….


	12. Lily drops some eaves

**Lily drops some eaves **

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! I'm posting on christmas EVE. Christ, i'm dedicated...

iz xxxxx

ps. 6 reviews and we're up to two hundred! WHO WILL BE 200th?

* * *

The oddest thing just happened.

I was walking from the loos where I had been thinking up my amazing plan when I hear voices.

ANGRY voices.

So I turned round to go when I recognised the yelling voice.

Sirius.

And putting 2 and 2 together and getting 7 as usual, it occurred to me that Sirius had gone after James.

This was confirmed when I heard him speak.

But I want to STRESS that I WORKED IT OUT FIRST, OK?

Anyway, they were round the corner and there was a handy little alcove so I got in it and crouched down.

Don't look at me like that.

WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?

But back to the yelling.

I couldn't hear all of it but it went like this..

Sirius: you FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

J: mumbling

S: WHAT?

J: THIS IS ENOUGH, ALRIGHT? I CAN'T MAKE HER LOVE ME!

S: what? She CLEARLY does love you now, so this is the point at which you're giving up?

J: oh yeah, obviously she loved ME when she was writing a love song about someone else!

S: (banging his head against a wall)

J: you only bang your head on walls when I've missed something really…oh. OH!………crap.

S: You really are a moron, aren't you? Sometimes I think you're putting it on but you really ARE this stupid.

He walked away, leaving James where he was.

And I, GENIUS that I am, sneezed.

Sirius turned round, slightly surprised. He saw me, winked, and wandered away.

There is definitely something wrong with that boy.

Something very wrong.

You know what's great about doing something?

Now I'm in control.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

And James is a puppet on my string.

Wow.

I creeped myself out.

Never done THAT before.

What was I doing before I heard the conversation?

I was doing something. Let me think.

Owlery? No. too lazy

Hall? No. its about 3 o'clock. I don't think they'd get me any food.

Kitchens then? No. they don't like me since I tripped on one of the house elfs. They are very hard to see!

My lesson? Nah…

Common room then? Oh yeah. I remember. Going to steal the marauders 'secret' polyjuice stash.

It's not really stealing though.

Because I will be giving it back to them.

Very probably they will drink it at some point.

And become me.

Gross.

You don't know how little I want Sirius Black to be me.

I'll have him arrested for molestation.

I swear I will.

Well, I'll try.

I better get on with my thievery while everybody is in lessons.

TO THE LILY MOBILE! (robin – oh to have a sidekick)

I wonder where my friends are?

Probably playing cruel yet hilarious jokes on someone.

I love those guys.


	13. Lily is very put out

**Lily is much put out**

**(by lovesickened teens)**

**  
by Gary **

**(who is beginning to be sick of pickles, and yearn for a nice chutney. sigh) **

**Wednesday.**

**Three days until Judgement Day**

I mean that in a talent show-y sort of a way.

I mean, I doubt the world will end on Saturday. Although it would be awesomely ironic.

But quite unlikely.

Anywobble.

Why was I writing?

Oh yeah. I remember.

**Potter.**

I have him dangling on my string. Heheh.

Idiot.

But the weird thing is we're both happy.

_AT THE SAME TIME_

I don't think you're grasping this.

Stupid diary.

Book.

Thing.

I'm happy because. You know.

I win.

And he's happy because…well…he just is.

I know this because I deigned to speak to him today.

Well.

_Write _to him

In History of magic, or 'free period' as it's usually referred to.

I went into the classroom, only to see that Flavs was sitting next to Sirius (henceforth referred to as El Lover boy).

This can mean only one thing.

James is fresh out of a seat.

Shit.

There's a free one by me.

I will say.

They did that well.

Bastards.

Anyway, there we are.

Me 'n' James.

Sitting in what can only be called _uncomfortable _silence.

Binns is drawling on.

Sweet JC, how can he still be here?

I do NOT understand this school. I went to what, about three lessons yesterday. No one even NOTICED, let alone dealt out any kind of punishment

Today, I was walking through the Great Hall, with my hair untied. Now I have detention, because APPARENTLY I have done this repeatedly and it contravenes FIRE SAFETY or some OTHER SHIT.

Also I am very very very tired of lovesick teenagers (says you. Yes I know. Shut up) meeting 'secretly' at night. I've got to say:

FLYING TO YOUR GIRLFRIENDS WINDOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLEEDING NIGHT HAS BEEN DONE.

Not to mention we sleep in DORMATORIES. Well. I don't. Heheheheh. But it was very annoying when I did.

But I was just thinking these enlightening thoughts and, you know, killing people in my head for doing the afore mentioned IRRITATING things, when a piece of parchment hit me neatly on the head.

Which seemed a little harsh, given that it would have been about twenty times easier to just say 'Lily'.

You can't blame him, poor boy. He's very probably inbred.

So I opened it out (as I suspect that playing Who shall I Kill First in my head is not a very good idea)

It says:

_Lily, go out with me on Friday?_

Please.

I am not that cheap. Clearly he has no idea how much more buying off I will require.

I wrote back:

_You'll have to try much harder than that. _

He looked crestfallen. I sighed.

_I guess you could try harder on Friday, if you MUST._

I like to think that I'm subtle.

Oh, you know I am REALLY.

I wonder where we will go?

It had better not be the lake.

I can go there whenever I want, free of charge.

Still.

The bell went then so I finally detached my friends from their (extremely creepy) men, and went to eat.

Through all this emotional turmoil, food is my one friend.


	14. Lily's pushed aside for She Who Controls

So.

I've confused myself completely but I have a question.

I was going to carry on pretty much indefinitely, until the story worked itself into a good conclusion (I know, I know, planning is NOT my strong point).

But quite a lot of people seem to think that its finished.

So I don't know.

I'll probably carry on, but it'd be interesting to know what people think.

Iz xxxx


	15. Lily attempts some human interaction

**Friday **  
**About3 hoursto the biggest mistake I will ever make.**

Except, you know.

That time I ate all that Good Seed for a laugh.

Turns out three pounds of that stuff is fairly bad for you.

But why would they call it that?

It just sounds like spunk.

Heheheh.

But that's a story for another time.

So in about 2 hours 55mins, I have to go on a date with Mister James Potter esquire, formally of AskmeagainwhenI'mofficiallyinsane, England.

Now of I'mFeelingPhysicallySickville, right here (somewhere in Scotland?).

You see?

I'm actually delirious. I can't go, I'm obviously sick.

Very sick.

My legs are shaking. I have to go to the hospital wing.

Oh, no. Don't worry, it was just the 3" heels.

I'm not actually sick.

Damn.

I mean……hurrah……

I wonder if heels are appropriate for wherever we're going?

They better be. I will, of course, be judging him entirely on this one date.

Actually I should probably find out. Wait while I find someone to ask.

**Later**

So pretty much this is how it went:

Me: (clicking fingers) YOU! TINY! Yes, you!

Tiny: me?

Me: Do you see any other elves?

Tiny: Piss off!

(Tiny's friend nudges Tiny, going shut up Nigel, it's the head girl, she'll do terrible things)

And I will. Unless I get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Anyway.

Me: yes, NIGEL, TERRIBLE THINGS! I SHALL WREAK MY REVENGE!

I was just getting really into the swing of ranting on the subject and vague theme of 'terrible things' (there was a fair amount of disembowling, I seem to remember - vaguely worrying?),

whenSirius turned up, and stated that:

a)if there's was any revenge going on he wanted in, because he knew it was those tinies who drew the moustache on his lifesize portrait that he drew himself and then hung with a permanant sticking charm above the fireplace in the common room.

b) They tripped him up deliberately by not growing and

c) He didn't think he was getting enough practise with his transfiguration.

Which was pretty much when I remembered I was actually in a position of authority and deaths would probably meanhuge amountsof tedious paperwork.

And if there's one thing I hate, its paperwork.

So I distracted Sirius with questions.

**Subtle **ones.

Of course.

Eg:

Me: sooooo, how are you?

Sirius: fine…thank you….why do you ask..?

Me: no reason

Sirius: well, I'll just go then..

(One brief inner struggle later)

Me: OH ALRIGHT! Where is James taking me? TELL ME DAMN IT! I NEED TO CHOOSE MY SHOES!

(alright, VERY brief, but the important thing is that I decided I owed it to my shoes)

Sirius: HA! Now the boot is on the other foot!

Me: There's something so, so wrong with you.

Sirius: Don't make me tell James you kissed me.

Me: Do you actually know anyone who would believe that?

Sirius: yes!

Me: Name them.

Sirius: Peter

Me: Someone WITH a brain

Sirius: You didn't specify that.

Me: Don't make me tell James I'm married. You know I will.

Sirius: Well. I would tell you. But James made me swear. But I can tell you that you can safely wear your sparkly shoes.

Me: I can? Why?

Sirius: Wouldn't that come under the heading of telling you?

I can't fault his logic.

But I CAN fill his bed with grit.

And how does he know about my sparkly shoes?

Its always the...uh...overtly bisexual ones?

* * *

sorry its so short, it looked much longer in a bigger font...

Iwill take down the author's note, butI wanted you guys to know that there was a new chapter.

Coming soon: Lily has a date plus does anyone remember a talent show?


	16. Lily resists all attemps at a plot

I know, I know, I'm terrible, its been so long, and this chapter is a bit strange, but I have a bitch of a hangover, and a shitload of revision to do, so this is the best I can manage, sorry.

As always, big love to all my reviewers, don't be a lurker, read and review, can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Hope you all had a bangingly good christmas!

Iz xxxxx

* * *

Ok, I just saw James on my way to find my glitter possessing friends, and he was whistling. 

Actually I think it was 'Scotland the brave', which is odd because I don't think there have ever been ANY McPotters, and I'm not sure the Wizard-about-town thing he does would really work with a regional accent.

Although a regional accent would, I think, entirely work for Remus. Perhaps I should mention it to him.

Still, I thought, no need to be regionalist, so I hailed him in his native tongue.

'Aye, wee McPotter, are ye awae doon the stairs?

He seemed kind of, what's the word?

Oh yes.

Gobsmacked.

So I tried again. Never let it be said that I lack perseverance.

'Will ye hail the wee bairns, Jimmie? I be wantin' some grog...No, hang on, that's pirates...shit, I think I lost it.'

He just stared at me. Although he probably knew very well that he had deliberately led me into this trap, and was now just pretending ignorance to annoy me.

Bastard.

It was also about then that it occurred to me that I was, in fact, a witch, and I could, therefore, merely Accio all the glitter I could possibly desire.

Well.

Maybe not quite.

But enough for my current requirements.

I did so, and was eventually all glittered up to my satisfaction and complete with my shoes (which shine like the sun, just FYI)

So I tottered down to the entrance hall to meet James. Although now that I think about it, it seems kind of pointless to be going on a date when we go to boarding school, and basically live in the same place.

But whatever, lets face it; I'm the kind of problem that really does go away if you throw money at it.

I'm not so good with the ignoring tactic.

It tends to make me vicious. And kind of violent.

Still, I was sufficiently pissed off with the world (business as usual then) to be inexplicably FURIOUS when there was an enormous wodge of persons completely jamming the doors in front of us.

We tried being polite, we really did.

There were many, many awkward, frustrating minutes of trying to get THE HELL through these TOURISTS before I finally lost my rag.

And I think I may have compared their leader to my toaster in both intellect and physical attractiveness.

And possibly in regards to her prospects as a wife, mother, and human generally.

They seemed stunned, to say the least.

James said to me 'I don't think they understand what you're saying'

Fool.

I replied, trying to stay as calm as possible.

'Don't be stupid Potter, EVERYONE understands the king's English, provided that you speak it LOUDLY and SLOWLY enough. Watch and apprenez, my friend!'

I turned back to the flustered yet ominously solid girl who appeared to be their queen.

'Regardez ici, you, would you kindly ENLEVEZ votre selves, si vous bloody plait?

Back to James.

He seemed exasperated.

'You speak French. As do I for that matter.'

'Well, hurrah for us! What's your point?'

'Why are you insisting on speaking in loud English?'

I just looked at him.

In a way that said, have you no pride?

It was just about then that the leader of les gens francais tapped me on the shoulder, and, alright, given the circumstances at outcome it was possibly not the best course of action I could have taken to have screamed 'For King and Country!' and then fallen to the floor with my hands over my head.

But I panicked.

And ominously solid was standing really close to me when I turned round.

Unfortunately it was about this point that Peeves got in on this action. Usually Peeves gets on pretty well with me, due to all the havoc I unintentionally cause which he uses to cover havoc of his own, but I will never, never forgive him for what he did then.

Except I have fantastic reflexes, and ducked.

Rather unfortunately, James was standing behind me, and I had been blocking any warning he might have had of being hit in the face with the box, which was about the size of my fist.

And, to add insult to injury, apart from the sickening crunch with which it connected to his face, it then expanded, enveloped his entire head and began to squawk like an angry crow.

This leads me to believe he may have had a hand in its creation.

I gave the tour guide a look that promised there would be intense retribution for her and PERHAPS ALL OF FRANCE if she had in any way marred my sort of boyfriend's face, and then headed for hospital wing.

Very slowly, because it is surprisingly difficult to guide someone with their head in a box through Hogwarts, even when you are not wearing sparkly heels and have to occasionally violently chastise people both for staring at your extremely tight jeans, and for laughing at the boy with his head in a box.

We were passing the Gryffindor common room, when it occurred to me that it might be rather quicker to find Sirius, and also that the Hospital wing now sometimes refuses to heal James and Sirius, because 'anything they do is their own fault unless proved otherwise'.

I did not especially want to explain to Madame how it actually was my fault, and also the entire population of France's because my record with her is not exactly clean, and I don't really want to be sectioned.

It was quicker to get Sirius, but only just, because he didn't stop laughing for 13 minutes.

I know, I timed it.

Poor James.

Still, at least he's not whistling any more.


	17. Lily does not adore 'education'

**As always, I'm sooo sorry how long it takes me to update, but here you go, another crappy chapter.  
**

**Anyone over the age of sixteen will be well aware of the horrors described, and will probably agree with me that year sevens are there to vent one's rage upon. **

**so, kisses, and read on, **

**iz xxxx  
**

* * *

****

**In which Lily vents her irrational exam hatred **

**or**

**Sixteen is a bitch. **

****

I went to see James in the hospital wing this morning. For today is the first day of the catastrophe which is the cataclysmically difficult exams teenagers are forced to take.

Which in turn, of course, means that James and Sirius are taking it in turn to develop terrible, life threatening diseases and injuries. James had Sirius drop him from a broom yesterday but I chickened at the last moment and conjured cushions.

At least, they were meant to be cushions. They came out as more of a giant rubber duck with a sort of…. spongy texture. It did stop him killing himself, but it didn't really increase the dignity levels for either of us, although he did relent, and have Sirius just throw a hammer at him instead.

He went out like a light bulb, and we had to charm him to be light just to lug him to the hospital wing. I was all for turning him into something small and light, but given my previous display of skill, I did eventually agree that we might not ever get him back.

Or as Sirius said "You'll kill my poor baby."

Poor, delusional boy.

So I went to see James after Transfiguration had finished, trailing Sirius, Remus, Flavs, Peter, and, inexplicably, five first years, behind me like ducklings. They were all in somewhat characteristic pursuits; Sirius and Flavs bouncing off the walls, and eyeing each other suspiciously (Flavs dumped him, because she says he's 'just not shallow enough' which he seems to take as a great insult), Remus bouncing off the walls literally, because he's got his entire face in a book entitled '2000 Tips For Passing Exams Which Have Never Been Passed Before, Ever, And Could Possibly Prive Fatal' (I can't help thinking there must be better, more noble uses for magic?), and Peter and the firsties creeping along behind us like they're afraid of inciting my wrath.

For which they cannot entirely be blamed.

When we reached the Hospital wing, me getting gradually more and more weirded out by my fan club, and resisting the urge to look over my shoulder for attacks every three seconds, James was sitting in his bed, looking as able to withstand hammers as usual, and stuffing his face with jam sandwiches.

I suppressed my Irrational Exam Hatred with a deep breath, especially as I will admit, I was slightly worried that I had let him inflict possible brain damage on himself out of, being truthful, sheer laziness.

I sat down, taking the jam sandwich offered me, something which enraged Sirius, as it was the last one.

Clearly this was the last straw that broke the lunatics back, because he went nuts.

He started babbling about me breaking up the crime-fighting duo, and I was exactly like that girl in 'Skippy' who took the last Rolo and forced Skippy to throw that Australian kid down the mineshaft, although how he knows these muggle things I have no idea, and that he felt exactly like he'd divorced me, and I'd got custody of our children.

After a short, slightly stunned silence in which we all pushed unpleasant pictures out of our minds and closed our gaping jaws, James said if Sirius ever mentioned himself and me having kids ever again, he, James, could promise that someone would definitely throw, probably projectile-ly.

Which is not a word, now I come to think of it.

It all turned out all right anyway, because we just dispatched the first years to do our bidding, this time in the form of jam sandwiches and pastry goods.

We also reminded them that if they got caught, our names were the McSlytherins, and we were bullying them into bringing us deep-fried snacks to help our fight to make everyone fat and greasy. It wasn't as detailed and subtle a story as I would have liked, but somehow I didn't think it was the moment to argue and the firsties looked like they wouldn't have been able to power a light bulb, if they all worked together, so I let it go.

Also, the mystery of why they were there in the first place was explained.

Well, lets just say that the sight of the forlorn looking first year in the bed opposite James brought an episode earlier in the day sharply to mind.

An episode in which Flavs and I may or may not have been forced to help some firsties through a door in which they were loitering.

Probably with intent!

Sadly, Flavs and I do not know our own strength (or the terror factor of our shouting) and we had to leg it in order to avoid extreme punishment.

This is what Sirius calls 'conclusive proof' and she calls 'bollocks'.

I declined to mention just how familiar the kid looked, as I thought it might rather be shooting myself in the foot.

Although if I died during detention I wouldn't have to do my exams, and Sirius could finally get his hands on my extensive collection of glitter and Sean Bean related things.

So in a way, we would all be happy.

* * *

I won't lie to you - i need a LOT of reviews if i'm gonna update before the summer... 


	18. Lily makes some new friends

Six fucking pages, my friends! Although its got a bit dark….

Its kind of part one, to be continued, but its two oclock and i now have 6 hours to sleep so im posting this half now.

And I personally find it worrying that Microsoft is constantly trying to change 'slytherin' to 'slathering'.

Still, enjoy,

Iz xxxxx

* * *

_**In Which Lily Tries to Play Nicely**_

_**(But Fails)**_

I think Pomfrey has finally got wise to how to stop this clever ploy of James and Sirius'. Either that or she really has shockingly little medical training for someone how claims to be a matron.

Her plan seems to consist, basically, of letting one or both of them in when they complete their dangerous exam skipping experiments, and then keeping them there over meals, Quidditch practice, even over night if the hospital staff are feeling especially sprightly.

And by hospital staff, I mean her, and the cranky old house-elf who mops floors and waits for unconscious people to sponge bathe.

Although I for one have never seen him change mop with activity.

Anyway, they practically have to sedate James to stop him escaping, although I advised him to take the drugs and shut up, because where the Marauders are concerned, I really don't think Madame Pomfrey is above letting Filch strap them to their beds, and leaving them to his...uh…tender care.

He did, but Sirius is either braver than I give him credit for, or just really, really foolish, because when I left he and Flavs had joined forces and were explaining to Pomfrey with growing enthusiasm the rights of man, rules of the school, and moral duties of the medical board, with precedents and a wide range of examples.

As the door shut behind me I think they were comparing her actions to those of Hitler.

She didn't seem to be taking it well, and I thought I'd better leave before she took Flavs in too. I think she sees taking us seventh years off the streets as a public service, she's always locking me away in there. Probably if we died of boredom she's say it was our own faults, and get away scot-free.

Bitch.

Still, it occurred to me that not everyone, and by that I mean people who don't understand that expecting James to be anywhere at the time he says he will be there, even in his capacity as Quidditch Captain, is like playing poker – you only gamble with time you can lose. It also occurred to me that being Head Girl it seems mainly to be my job to go and tell people he wasn't coming, and to stop the entire team getting pneumonia waiting for him in the rain.

So I doubled back round the hospital wing and took a short cut out to the Pitch.

Well, I say short cut.

By the time I'd reached the top of the staircase that leads down to the locker rooms it was raining torrentially, an endless stream of water obscuring my view of the pitch in the evening light.

I sighed, but seeing as how I'd come this bloody far out of my way I went down to do a sweep for devoted team members, cursing Sirius for being bloody minded enough to argue all the fucking time instead of doing something useful. I did have a go at him for not helping James out more with the team only this morning actually, but generally I am being nice to Sirius so that James won't have to choose between us.

Because I have a sneaking suspicion, much as I deny it, that I would find myself dumped. But as far as I know, you have to have a mind to be able to read other people's, so I think I'm pretty safe swearing at Sirius in my head.

I went into the locker rooms anyway because I figured if anyone were waiting, they would have retired inside by now, if they hadn't abandoned the whole thing and gone back to the school.

Which is what I would have fucking done, but then I guess that's why I'm a seeker.

We aren't known for our hardiness.

More for being really highly-strung and kind of whiny. And we don't like getting wet.

Now I think about it, we're a lot like cats. If there's any being wet, or moving to be done, we'd rather you carry us through it, if you'd be so kind.

I flicked the lights on and they clinked on with a sort of grudging judder, which I very much did not find comforting, and bathed the whole room in yellowish light. No – one was in the shower room, but I moved through towards the changing room.

Where the lights were already on. I wondered how no one had seen it; the windows face out towards the forest, but surely the glow should have been visible from the towers? But I hadn't seen it.

Still, it's easy enough to damp a light with a charm, and the Quidditch team is not always the most attentive to remove charms its finished with so I still wasn't unduly worried.

Sometimes I astonish myself with my own stupidity.

I shut the door quietly out of habit, because I spend far too much time in the library, more than from caution, and walked forward a little. I was just about to call out something, or get back to the dinner I was currently missing when I heard voices coming from the other side of the locker base that runs down the middle of the room.

'…mostly pretty stupid. They won't do anything unless someone tells them to...'

'…pity courage and intelligence together mostly comes to us!'

A couple of people laughed, and I crept round the locker base to get a better look.

A voice cut them off, and it took me a few moments to place it as belonging to Sirius' cousin, Isabella or Belladonna or something.

No, Bellatrix.

She always strikes me as sort of…well, insane, for want of a handy metaphor.

And, you know, a complete bitch.

' Potter and that mudblood slut of his are the difficulty.'

She spoke in a hard authoritative voice that was unsettling, even through the wave of indignation at being called a mudblood. Although I suppose it is flattering to be a difficulty to evil.

Provided one has no wish to survive, which presently, I do.

I was thinking all this; so I nearly missed someone ask the crazy slytherin bitch

about Sirius whom she dismissed as reckless and weak in a way which I personally found, to my surprise, deeply offensive.

And it was the combined result of the indignation, and the burning cramp in my legs, as clearly I do not do nearly enough squats for someone in a sports team, that I really let myself in for quite a lot of trouble.

One of my legs wobbled and the heel of my shoe bashed into a locker. The sound echoed down the entire base and I froze, willing it to end.

The guy sitting closest to me whirled round at the noise, and the rest of them could see me for the split second before I ran for the door. I know I'm a gryffindor and we're supposed to be brave, but we're not fucking suicidal, and every single one of them looked as if they'd kill me and throw me in the lake without a second thought.

Unfortunately, they aren't all as slow as they look, and while most went for stunners, which I evaded without too much trouble, the crazy girl colloportus'd the door with a sickening squelch, just as I slammed straight into it.

Lestrange followed with an expelliarmus, which narrowed my options fairly significantly. As far as I could see they were:

Well, shouting and screaming my little heart out. But then, completely apart from the feminist in me who was utterly revolted, if I hadn't been able to see the light from the window when I was directly on top of the room, it seemed unlikely that anyone would hear me, especially as it was raining, and anyone with a fucking brain would be inside eating.

The bastards.

Option two, attempt some kind of violence? I pretty much dismissed this one straight away, as they all had wands, and my wand, were a lot bigger and more numerous than me, and I had somewhat surrendered the element of surprise.

So much for standing up to bullies.

Option three, attempt to talk my way out of this, despite the fact that they probably knew as well as me that I had basically no way out. Still, I might buy myself some time, or someone might come and look for me, even though I had come out here largely on a whim and was, for most purposes, untraceable. Plus, I thought it unlikely anyone would be worried for another hour at least, unless they started specifically looking for me. I suddenly wished I was missing detention or something. But there was no option four, and I was basically dead anyway, so I figured I might as well annoy them a bit first if nothing else.

They were all walking towards me, slowly.

In a way that I can only describe as deliberate, they circled around me so that I was forced back against the bank of lockers, and away from my only way out. Not that a door spelled shut is much fucking use if you haven't got a wand.

Rodolphus Lestrange and his brother, who are clever and sort of metrosexual for slytherins, and our friend Miss Black seemed to be ringleaders – they were nearest the front, facing me. Rodolphus waved his wand and muttered something and I found my hands pulled behind me and together and tied firmly to the lockers facing the door, the bench digging hard into the back of my legs.

Shit.

Bellatrix was leaning against the doorframe, not taking her eyes off.

'I told you. She's trouble, for all she's a little whore.'

Rabastan, the other Lestrange walked forwards towards me, unfolding his arms until he was standing so close in front of me that I could feel his breath on my neck. I kept my eyes on his so that he laughed, and pushed my chin up sharply, his other arm circling my waist so that I could not move back.

'That's right, chin up, show a little of that Gryffindor spirit!'

He kissed me, hard on the lips, so that I could feel them bruising.

I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life, and without thinking I brought my knee up hard.

He fell back, swearing and bent over, and I couldn't suppress a grin, despite the fact that it paid for it the next second when Bellatrix's hand caught me full across one cheek. My head snapped back and crashed into the locker behind me, so that my head rang with the impact.

'I know what you're doing' she said, leaning over me, and pushing my shoulders back into the lockers 'and it won't work. Because who would come looking for you?'

She laughed.

They all laughed.

It echoed off the walls so that all I could hear was their laughter, and even though I knew that they wouldn't dare to do anything that was really worth my being so afraid, I felt my hands shaking behind me, and they left, shutting the door so that I was plunged into darkness.

The side of my face and lips were throbbing like a bitch, but I was glad to know that no one could see me cry.

Anyway, after about half an hour I started yelling and screaming, because I figured the spell around the shed had to be over, or at least weakening now, and there was a small chance that someone would hear me, or that someone would be looking by now, although I guessed it had probably been not much more than an hour since I had left the hospital wing, and it could not therefore be much after seven.

But I knew it must have been dark by then so no one would be coming here on purpose until at least the next morning, and probably not then, so I might be in for a fairly long night.

It felt like I had shouted for hours, and my voice has wearing rough so that I had stopped for a while in despair, I let my head hang down between my knees in a vain attempt to stop my head ringing, despite the way it pulled at my wrists so that the cords cut into my skin and I thought I could feel it raw.

But then, I was working myself up to incredibly angry, so I can't pretend I was thinking completely straight. I had pretty much given myself up to spending the night in that fucking shed when the light flicked on the shower room, the window in front of me bursting into light so that I had to blink to make sure I wasn't dreaming it.

The door opened, and I lifted my head to the new arrival.

'James?'

I knew it couldn't be James. He was in the hospital wing. My rational brain kicked in and I saw that it was Sirius, not James at all.

He switched the light, and looked at me.

'Fucking Hell, Lily!'

I laughed, because that was exactly what I had been thinking for the last hour.

'My hands….'

I said, my voice croaking from screaming, but relieved.

He undid my hands surprisingly gently given that it was clear he was not a little pissed off. He picked up my cloak off the ground and pulled it around my shoulders. I went next door to the mirrors and the sinks and washed the grime off my wrists, though it stung like a bitch. I studied my face in the mirror, the redness on my cheek had gone, but my lips were swollen and darker than usual. They were tender under my fingertips.

Sirius was standing near the outside door, leaning on the frame in a way that reminded me of his cousin, and I was suddenly very sure why James had been made Head Boy and not Sirius. There was something that made me a little afraid about Sirius, ungrateful as that was, given that he'd just found me, but I very badly wanted to find James.

'Who, Lily?' He said, quietly, as I had known he would.

And I also knew my answer would blow apart the uneasy truce between Gryffindor and Slytherin.

I walked past Sirius through the door.

'Come on' I said 'It's rain's getting worse'


	19. Maybe Lily should begin yoga Or sanity

Argh, i'm sooo sorry it took me so long, i'm currently trying not to fail all my AS levels, and its not going well.

I guess that'll teach me to take greek...

Anyway, enjoy, and thanks to spingles (agnes-says-hello) who made me post XD

Iz xxxx

* * *

_**Chapter 19**_

_**or**_

_**Lily deals with her emotions like a crazed crack head**_

He didn't ask me again, and clearly he's as good at lying as me, because by the time we got back to the Common room we were bo

Sirius didn't ask me again, and clearly he's as good at lying as me, because by the time we got back to the Common room we were both smiling, even if the walk back had been in silence, and a brooding silence at that.

He delivered me safely to Flavs who was sitting with Remus in the best seats by the fire.

Flavs, in her usual sensitive way, said 'Jesus fucking Christ, what happened to your face? You look like you got beats from an angry hippogriff'

'Me?' I replied, innocently (or as innocently as possible with a black eye) 'No, I just fell off my broomstick.'

'That's funny' said Remus, looking directly at me in a way that was very unsettling given that I was lying through my teeth 'Your broomstick is in the corridor with all the others.'

'Yes, I …uh…. borrowed a school one. Bloody long way to go, and I thought I'd have a fly…' I smiled lamely, and tried not to look like I was lying. Although recently people seem to assume I am.

Which is somewhat distressing.

Except Sirius who had gone back to looking like someone had set his shoes on fire. He's not worried about ME, you understand, but gryffindor's pride has been insulted and even though he has NO IDEA about who hit me, he's just itching to go and find James, so the two of them can get lots of exercise jumping to conclusions, and then go and beat up Snape.

Unless I can go and talk to James first, which I can because I'm head girl, damn it, and if I see Sirius on his way to the hospital wing, he'll be in detention so long he won't know what hit him.

Or perhaps, you know, a punishment that would actually stop him doing stuff I don't want him too, because I have a sneaking suspicion he can run faster than me, and would therefore reach the hospital wing first.

Also, that whole seeing thing is really one of the problems of having a boyfriend with an invisibility cloak.

Oh, the tribulations of my life.

But anyway, it didn't come to that, because I accidentally gave him a huge head start. I went up stairs to get a jumper for literally FIVE MINUTES and when I came back he was nowhere to be seen.

It did occur to me then that even if I hadn't told the truth, some plausible lie to make the others keep an eye on Sirius would actually have been quite a good idea.

But whatever.

I can't be expected to do everything around here.

I went out anyway, ostensibly to start Patrols, and took out my fury on a couple of late night revellers, although perhaps four detentions is a little harsh for a late sixth year.

But, to be fair, I warned him I was going to give him another detention for every time he said 'BUT…'

Which I did.

This also taught me that he was more likely to be a Gryffindor than a Ravenclaw, given that he did it three times before he seemed to fully understand either the futility of his task, or exactly how the whole detention thing was going to work.

Still I feel I have helped someone understand a little better the ways of the world, so it wasn't a completely pointless exercise.

And the way the world works is, I get what I want.

By the time I had not so casually worked my way around to the Hospital Wing it was of course long after visiting hours, although I had no doubt that Sirius was still inside under James' Invisibility Cloak.

Or not given how apparently lax the security is in this place.

I waited until I figured Madam Pomfrey had settled down to one of her, I suspect, juicy magical romance novels and slipped through the doors.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times; it would be much harder for evil to have its wicked way in Hogwarts if the teachers made at least a token effort to enforce some discipline.

Exactly as predicted, James was sitting up, his face lit up slightly by a flickering Lumos, conversing with Sirius' head, suspended apparently without support, at his bedside.

The light went out as I approached and my footsteps became louder.

'It's alright' I whispered 'It's only me. And you can come out again Sirius, I know you're there.'

His head became visible once more, though it was clear he was still not a little pissed at me.

James relit his wand, and studied my face closely, so that I put up my hand to my cheek and ran a finger gingerly along my lip, both of which I could feel developing into really spectacular bruising.

'Fucking HELL' he said in the hard voice that I hate, so that I hung back slightly, not quite liking to touch this angry James, and feeling anger rise in my own chest, because I had come to find James to be reassured, not pushed into acts of extreme retribution.

'What?' I said mutinously. 'Getting punch – up withdrawal?'

A look of confusion passed across his face, and I relented a little.

'I thought you were dying, anyway.' I said in a tone which was meant to convey sincere sympathy if this was the case, but also a strong implication that it was entirely his own fault.

Which it was.

Apparently I'd relented too quickly because his customary grin returned.

'So what happened? Sirius is convinced that you've uncovered a nest of death eaters and they beat you for being some kind of affront to their evil.'

Accurate bastard.

And the look of triumph on Sirius' face would have tipped off a monkey, even if James wasn't an expert at finding the weaknesses in people.

They were both looking at me, very hard.

Now, I don't know how you deal with pressure/ emotion/ tension of any kind. Probably you solve it maturely in a calm and dignified manner.

Maybe you cry, I don't know nor am I ever likely to.

Personally, I like to become incredibly angry in as short a time as possible, and scream at other people.

Usually with creative metaphors.

And seeing as James was lying down and looking all tousled, it seemed a little harsh to start laying into him so I rounded on Sirius.

'And you, you BASTARD, I don't know what right you feel you've got to run around AFTER HOURS and tell the world my private business after I SPECIFICALLY told you not to. Just because you think you're freaking LUKE SKYWALKER on some crazy freaking jedi crusade against your father. Well, I've got news for you – he's got no freaking powers, and I'm not a crazy bitch with swiss roll for hair, so you can just freaking STOP. And where the hell do you get off telling on me to MY BOYFRIEND?'

Sirius turned white with fury, leant over the bed so his face was close to mine and said, very softly,

'Don't tell me what to do, Evans. Do NOT tell me what to do.'

James' hand closed around his wrist, and he muttered something under his breath that I couldn't make out, but that seemed to make Sirius nearly apoplectic with rage. He stepped backwards and promptly fell over a chair.

Never let it be said that human misery is without its humour.

Unfortunately, Madame Pomfrey seemed to have chosen that moment to tear herself away from the exciting world of werewolves who make magical hearts beat fast, and actually do her job, and her voice came very distinctly from her office.

'Sirius Black, if you are out there in the next thirty seconds when I put my head out of this door, I would advise you to be very careful, because I will not be admitting either you or Mr Potter to this Hospital Wing, unless I have it signed in writing from reliable teachers or other responsible adults, preferably with orders of merlin, that you were hurt through no fault of your own.'

Sirius looked as though he was going to stay, and medical care could be damned, but Madame Pomfrey's voice came through again, louder and higher than before,

'SIGNED IN TRIPLICATE, MR BLACK'

and his is nerve seemed to fail him. He legged it, though I suspect brooding and plotting were on his mind a little more than was ideal.

I, on the other hand, seeing as how I have short legs, as I think I've mentioned, and cannot run very fast threw myself under the bed.

Not that I'm exactly a stranger to Detention, but I really didn't want to explain AGAIN about how I appeared to have walked into about seven doors and looked suspiciously like I must have some kind of concussion.

Much as I love those conversations, especially with figures of authority.


End file.
